Day 432: Happiness And An Ebarassin Note From The Mom

Happiness is a day when I hear no storm, feel no storm, can enjoy my out of doors... and go right back... IN OF DOORS!!! Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat... You get pitcher.

[Note from the Mom:

Huge storm cells have formed to our far northwest, travelling southeast... and many to the west and south of us. They've gotten well within Luke's storm "feeling" range, and they've dissipated.

Luke keeps wanting to go outside, and once out there... he cocks his head in all directions and sniffs the air. I can see him creating charts and graphs, in his head. I've been watching radar as well as for his panic... but it's not happened.

There's no way I can explain his keen sense of weather, nor any way you would believe me if I did. He often gives me the sign in the pre-dawn hours, that we will have afternoon storms.

That said, just as every the Mom knows... "An ounce of prevention is worf a pound of cure"...

And every morning with a threatening forecast... which is almost every single morning these days, I carefully dry the bathtub/shower and place a pillow in the tub.

I tilt the blinds in order to get light, but I leave them down in case he panics and tries to break out a window (he has never done this, but he will either attempt to squeeze himself through an opened door... or throw himself against a door I'm trying to open. Through GRRH, I've come to know a few dogs who will break out windows and doors during thunderstorms... so I'm extra cautious).

I unplug the computer and all other components under the antique drafting table that serves as my computer desk... and also his holiday / weekend bunker in the suburbs.

And because I worry about fire if the power goes out and the pump runs dry, I unplug the aquarium filter (poor fish, but I always crank it back up first thing, when I walk in the door). I always did this for Comet, so that's nothing new.

I watch radar on my second monitor at work, and I bolt home when I see there's going to be a problem. I've come to plan my life around the weather and Luke's fears... and while I sometimes grow weary of the worry... that emotion is miniscule in comparison to the depth my heart breaks when he's in his panic.

You all know, because you feel it yourself for your precious ones... I will do ANYthing and EVERYthing for my boys. I will face and fight for them,... all of their fears and neglects. I will do everything in my power to meet their every need, build their confidence and make up for past (life) indscretions.

Luke's original "owners" listed the reason for surrendering him as...

"bolts inside during thunderstorms"

Which came first? His fear... or his neglect?

The answer will always tumble around in the back of my mind, but in reality, it doesn't matter. What matters is how we handle each day now. And I work hard to build his confidence and assuage his fears.

It's hard to pretend his reasons for panic are unreal, to act as if everything is fine and life is normal... while brushing him for four hours (3:45 of which is done with the back of the brush, because he has no more hair that should possibly come out!)... or offering him cheddar cheese or berry treats!

If I could wish anything for him, I would wish longevity, no more lumps and braveness.

But the bottom line... the point of all of this is...

For all he means to me, for all the love he's brought into my life, for the tenderness he shows me when he puts me to bed and snuggles with me in the early morning hours... for all Luke deserves and the many ways he is just my Luke....

My heart will never stop breaking over his panic, but I will gladly do everything I can for him each and every day for the next thirty or forty years, maybe more (but it will certainly be from either the grave or the rest home)... I will gladly do it.

He's just that special, and so is his brother. Luke and Bleu mean EVERYthing to me!!!]